No longer my cup of tea

To love another who is holding on to their past life is like holding onto a dream that shall never return when you lie back down to rest. I chose to love you but. I can’t continue to hold on to a fantasy that you and I could ever be. You’re preoccupied with the woman wronged you the woman whom you hide me from. We lie in the dark and separate in the daylight.

Mediocre phone calls to keep me at bay, gifts to keep me content, and sex to keep me confused about what to do with you.

I don’t like how you make me feel.

Yearning for the one who is unavailable, wanting more but stuck with the given.

That’s not enough. I need more than words and periodic visits.

I need consistency.

Committed to her but, sleeping with me

I can no longer limit myself to continue this fantasy.

This belief that we could be, the things that we’ve done-

This doesn’t fit me-

Just isn’t my cup of tea-

I love me.

I love the person but, I dislike your actions.

I love the friend but dislike the lover.

Oh how the lies that feel so good under covers can lead to an ugly painful truth when the sun rises.

I want to believe the lie.

Sadly it is best to say goodbye.